photo from PAW University


    Tonight, I was tempted to miss our youth gathering at PAW. Perhaps it was because I was tired from being in a different space for work all day, or maybe it was due to pure laziness. For a while, I was consumed by my flesh's craving for comfort to ever think of going out and spending two hours with a crowd.


    However, a powerful strength-giver called grace led me to get up and head to church. Out of our usual attendance, there were only around 10-13 people inside, including the staff and volunteers. I have been in the ministry long enough to understand that there are truly weeks when fewer people come to fellowship, while on other weeks, the seats are filled. The attendance didn't bother me at all, but tonight, I was extra sensitive, and my initial honest reaction was a bit of dismay. I was reflecting on why I felt the way I did, and I was confronted with these three sinful reasons:


  • I was dismayed because I thought it was a better option to rest at home, since a lot of people were absent anyway
  • because I measured the value of the ministry by its attendance 
  • because I judged others' love for Christ by their absence

    As the night progressed, a few people came in -- straight from their classes. I looked at everyone else in the room: workers who also had a long day at work, students who were having Midterm exams the next day, and others with warm smiles that probably hide a lot of struggles they are going through. I was too caught up with the lack that I almost missed the traces of grace that were on the very individuals around me. 


    I was convicted to repent of my thoughts earlier. My self-righteousness caused me to focus on the things I had "given up," making me feel it was unfair that many others were not making the same "sacrifices." I was measuring my brothers and sisters against my own standards instead of looking at the cross, where Christ gave His entire life for someone like me, who even hesitates to give two hours of her God-sustained, grace-provided day. 


  I also momentarily forgot that attendance does not entirely determine the fruitfulness of a ministry. Some growth is like unseen roots, not visible, but they are actually firmly anchoring a Christian in the soil of gospel truths. The “fullness” of a place does not equate to God's presence, for only where the Scripture is faithfully preached, there God is most exalted. 


    Speaking of preaching, the sermon was taken from the book of Hosea, where it talked about how the Lord will show mercy to the sinful Israel; how He will continue to pursue, allure, and betroth her to His faithfulness. Oh, how timely! The preaching felt like fresh water on my parched heart. The weariness brought by the day's load and the laziness that I was struggling against seemed like a bone-pierced arrow that was naturally removed as my heart was filled with renewed joy upon hearing the Scriptures - a God-breathed Word useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness (2 Timothy 3:16-17).


    Tonight was a wrestle to remember, and I will rest recalling His work of grace with thankfulness and praise. To Him be the glory alone. 



"Marvelous grace of our loving Lord

Grace that exceeds our sin and our guilt

Yonder on Calvary's mount outpoured

There where the blood of the Lamb was spilt

Grace, grace, God's grace

Grace that will pardon and cleanse within

Grace, grace, God's grace

Grace that is greater than all our sin"

Grace Greater Than All Our Sin
Song by Bob Kauflin and Sovereign Grace Music


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