Some years (and heartbreaks) ago, I made a silent vow to "live wisely." And with that, I became extra cautious with how I navigated life -- the people I spent time with, exchanged conversations with, etc. It wasn't perfect, but within those years, I listened, read, and took notes diligently as much as I could, believing all those pages would come in handy one day. 

    Of course, it included love and marriage lessons, so when I got into a relationship, I thought I had "learned enough" and was "very prepared" (waw).  I have to be this and that ... a long list of what to do and what not to.  This came with an expectation that this time, I am better and that the relationship will be smoother and less chaotic than my previous ones. After all, they say that you'll know it's the right one when there is 'peace.'

    Lo and behold! 🤣 My impatience gets ahead of me each time, and my self-entitlement is shamelessly displayed in the smallest things. Add pride to complete the ugly exhibit of my depravity. Such is a perfect combo to make someone leave and run for his life. 

    To quote what Adam said one time when I randomly asked if I was really *that* maldita, "Oo, mailad gyud ang tawo nga wala kaayo kaila nimu." 😭🤣  I was low-key wishing he would say otherwise, but well, he said what he said. 

    Still, the Lord has always had mysterious ways of showing grace. Despite that, he provided someone whose gentleness I do not deserve -- who responds to me with so much patience and who serves NEVERTHELESS (quietly and mostly unnoticed). 

    The pages were handy at some point, but I had a more meaningful reflection being in this relationship: If I am to live wisely, I am to honor the Lord. With that, it includes reflecting His character in the way that I treat others -- especially the person I want to live my life with every day.  It wasn't a lesson learned through raised voices, pointed fingers, and cold silences but through multiple painful conversations that slowly sobered me from the false pleasure of 'winning' the argument.

    I thank the Lord that He does not give me what I deserve. Instead, He graciously meets my needs, especially in my sanctification. I have a long, loooong way to go in terms of character and humility - many unlearning to do and habits to let go, but I am hopeful to begin a new season and live it wisely, by His grace. There will be more listening, reading, and note-taking, but ultimately, more praying and abiding in His grace. I know His grace is sufficient for the days ahead, and with that, I have peace. 


Ending this with a line from a song I listened to multiple times this week:

"Christ, our wisdom, we will follow
Though the way ahead is veiled
As we journey through the shadows
Grant us faith where sight has failed

Help us cling to Your commandments
Strengthened by Your faithful Word
We will never be abandoned
You are God and we are Yours."

___________




[ PS: I'd like to thank my chimpombiiim, my love, the cutest in the world(!!!) for a wonderful proposal experience and for the love I get to have on earth while I wait for my TRUE & BETTER ADAM Hehe And to our Church who loves us, walks this life with us -- our ultimate ka-duo in life. Kayo ang tunay na big winner. emz. ]







Grateful, 
N